I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
