he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
