Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
