I just gift wrapped bread.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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