I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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