hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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