Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
