awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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