I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
