checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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