As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
