I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
