Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
