I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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