What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
