you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
