i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
