And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
