So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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