I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
