Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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