This girl is more easily done than said...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
