I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
