Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
