Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
