she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
