my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
