I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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