If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
