I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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