My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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