i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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