Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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