I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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