Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
