The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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