bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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