well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
