I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
