you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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