did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
