College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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