upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
