so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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