Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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