Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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