i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
