Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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