The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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