So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
