he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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