i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
