I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
