It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
